A Ritual for Grief: Soothing the Heart with Herbal Tea

Grief is the echo of love with nowhere to go. We often think of grief as something tied to death, but its roots run deeper. It can arise from heartbreak, from drastic changes, from the unravelling of dreams. And it can also be collective- felt in the bones during times of war, social injustice, ecological devastation, or ancestral pain.

The below tea recipe and ritual below are offered as a container for all forms of grief, personal or collective, recent or long-held. They are meant to gently hold the heart, to nourish the spirit, and to remind you that you are not alone in your sorrow.

Herbal Allies for the Grieving Heart

• Hawthorn (Crataegus spp.) is the quintessential heart tonic. Its berries have been traditionally used to strengthen and protect the cardiovascular system while the leaeves and flowers energetically shield the emotional heart. Hawthorn teaches us how to hold space for grief.
• Lemon Balm (Melissa officinalis) uplifts the mood, eases tension, and brings clarity during emotionally difficult times. Its gentle spirit helps unravel anxiety and overthinking that often come with loss.
• Oat (Avena sativa), whether in the form of milky oat tops or oatstraw, is deeply nourishing for the nervous system. It restore depleted emotional reserves, eases exhaustion, and bring a sense of grounding and peace.
• Linden (Tilia spp.) has a cooling, softening effect on the heart. This gentle nervine brings relaxation, calm, and emotional openness. It is a beautiful plant spirit for those whose grief feels heavy or stuck.
• Rose (Rosa spp.) is a plant of love and boundaries and helps us grieve without closing off our heart, softening grief's sharpness with compassion.

How to Prepare the Heart-Ease Herbal Tea for Grief:

For one cup of tea, blend the following ingredients:

• 2 teaspoons hawthorn (berries, leaves, and/or flowers)
• 1 teaspoon lemon balm
• 1 teaspoon oatstraw or milky oat tops
• 1/2 teaspoon linden
• 1/2 teaspoon rose petals

Steep herbs in boiled water, covered, for 10 minutes. Drink slowly as needed or as part of the below ritual.

Ritual: Holding Space for Grief

You will need:

• A cup of your heart-soothing tea
• A white or blue candle for healing
• A journal or a piece of paper and something to write with
• A quiet space

Create Your Space
Light the candle and sit somewhere comfortable. Place your tea beside you and take a few deep breaths, letting your body settle.

Acknowledge the Grief
Say aloud (or write): "I welcome the presence of my grief. I give it space to speak." Allow yourself to feel whatever arises- tears, numbness, memory, tension. Let it come. Let it be.

Sip and Listen
Begin sipping your tea. As you drink, bring to mind what or who you're grieving. Speak to them. Speak to yourself. Let your heart say what it is holding onto. 

Write or Reflect
When you feel ready, write down anything that needs to be released: feelings, memories, regrets, prayers.

Close the Ritual Gently
When finished, snuff the candle and thank the herbs, your body, and your grief. 

This ritual can be revisited as often as needed and the tea can be made and drunk any time, with our without the ritual. Grief is not linear. Let it be cyclical. Let it be honoured.